I thought I was prepared. You know we talked about it for a week, and I thought I was at peace with it, but I’m honestly not sure you can fully prepare for something like this. You just feel helpless, and a little like you failed because your body didn’t do what it was supposed to.

I work full time as a commercial insurance broker. I work from home which allows for some flexibility. It really helps me keep up on the twin boy laundry haha. As other working moms know though, it has its challenges. It sometimes leads to feeling guilty for sending the boys to daycare, or not being able to be totally caught up on housework. But most days, it works for us as a family and that’s all that matters.

To me, being a mom is the best and most important job I’ll ever have. Helping my boys learn, grow, and discover who they are is truly the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. Even when the days are long, and life is chaotic, at the end of the day I feel blessed to be their mom.

My husband and I got married in 2018, and I joined his medical insurance. I had just gotten in to see my new general practitioner, who asked all the typical questions: when was your last period? Any chance you could be pregnant? Are your periods usually regular?

We got to the last question and I said what I always had ”they are regularly irregular” since puberty I had gotten a period once every 3 months at that. None of my previous Doctors had ever asked any additional questions, but this one did. He asked me if I had always had trouble with my weight, had any dark facial hair (I always have), if my periods were painful (ooooh yea), and a few other things. He immediately told me that he thought I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). After ordering some bloodwork, my testosterone was elevated, and estrogen was low, a telltale indication for PCOS. He had me come back in to discuss the results. He stressed that due to my very irregular periods and hormone levels, when my husband and I wanted to try for kids, it would be difficult, if not impossible, without medical intervention. We went on to try several different options over the next year and a half, then finally at the end of 2020, we decided to move forward with IVF. After 2 rounds of IVF treatment, we ended up with 2 embryos. At the encouragement of our doctor, we transferred both embryos, hoping at least one would take. We were incredibly blessed to find out both stuck!

TM: Can you share what that moment was like when you found out you were pregnant and having your first ultrasound?

It was this rush of overwhelming relief that we were pregnant, then immediate fear of how the hell will we do this with 2 of them. I think it also didn’t full sink in, that there actually would be two babies until we found out the genders. Getting to call them both boys rather than just “babies” made it more real for me, and helped me to start really preparing (as much as you can) to be the mom of two boys.

TM: How were you physically and emotionally during your pregnancy?

Physically, I had a very uneventful pregnancy. Other than feeling GIANT by week 25, I was feeling pretty good. About week 26 though, my pelvis started to shift, and was really becoming painful. Even just walking around had become a chore, and something my OB just said was normal and I needed to “power through”. Looking back, I feel like if she had taken me a little more seriously about the pain, and I had advocated for myself a little more, we may have been able to avoid my water breaking so early.

Emotionally I was scared. I wasn’t sure how the hell I was going to be a mom to not one, but two infants. It was terrifying. But at the same time it was exciting. We were so thankful that IVF had worked for us, and that we were actually going to be parents, even if it was going to be slightly more chaotic than we had anticipated. I think at like week 14 I started a book called “what to do when you’re having two”, which really helped to me get in the mindset of “okay, people can do this. We can do this, we just have to prepare”. After that I tried to read every book, blog, article, etc. about having twins. In all the reading, there was definitely a consensus that you should be ready for them to show up any time after 28 weeks (our OB talked to us about this as well). Taking this advice/cautionary tale seriously, we had our baby shower at 26 weeks, maternity photos at 27 weeks, had my hospital bag packed by 28 weeks, then at 29 weeks, my water broke.

TM: Can you share about the day your water broke?

It was a normal September Saturday. My husband had left the house about 3am to go duck hunting with my dad and brother-in-law about 2 hours away. I was enjoying the bed to my self, so I slept in, made myself some breakfast, then went to BuyBuy Baby with my mom to pick up some of the last baby things we needed. I walked around the store for about an hour, with no issues other than my usual pelvis pain. Once I got home, I had some lunch and started folding some of the boys laundry. At about 2 pm I got up to go pee, and refill my water, and as soon as I sat back down I felt this “gush”. I initially thought I had peed my pants. However as soon as I got up, another small “gush” occurred, and I knew my water had broken. I walked to the bathroom, changed my underwear, put on a pad and called labor and delivery. At the exact moment one of the nurses answered, Drew (husband), walked through the door. I think he could tell I was panicked. As soon as I hung up with L&D, I told him we needed to go to the hospital.

The drive to L&D was the longest 15 minutes of my life, and the panic and all the “what ifs” started racing through my mind. Drew was trying to be as positive and supportive as possible while being scared himself.

As soon as we walked in L&D moved extremely fast. They got me to triage, got the boys up on the fetal monitors, took a swab to confirm my water had broken (as opposed to pee), and did a cervical check to see if I was dilated (I was at about 2cm). The on-call doctor came in and walked me through the next 48 hours, and how things would go (if we were lucky). I would immediately start getting IV magnesium (this was to help protect the babies brains), and a steroid shot to help with their lung development, and antibiotics to keep infection away. They were also starting a drug that would, combined with magnesium, help slow down/stop contractions. I had to fast, in case we needed to go into an emergency c-section later that day.

They got me into a room, and the nurses helped me change and get into bed. They warned me that the magnesium drip was going to be awful- it would make me hot, itchy, and just overall like my skin was on fire. They weren’t wrong. Thank god I had my hospital bag packed and had thrown in a mini fan- that thing was a life saver.

After about 2 hours, the contractions had slowed, and I finished the first round of magnesium. The NICU charge nurse came in to talk to us about what to expect in the delivery, and what the first days in the NICU would look like, should the boys decide to come in the next few hours.

Luckily, they stayed put for the next 6 days.

TM: What was that last week like prior to the birth of your twins for you and your husband? What was going through your minds?

Honestly, I think it was mix of total fear and just hope that we could stay in the hospital as long as possible. The Doctors had let us know that we would not be leaving until the boys arrived. And, since it was still “COVID” protocol, I couldn’t have any visitors other than my husband. We tried not to sit and think about all the “what ifs” but that was hard to stay away from in that situation. We tried to focus on finalizing their names, and what Netflix show to watch. It was just one of those situations too where I feel like the emotions of everything don’t really catch up to you until you’re out of it, if that makes sense.

After about day 3, I had gotten all the necessary medications and made it through the antibiotics. Things had finally seemed to slow way down, and we got to take a breather. I was SO excited to finally be able to eat food other than ice chips and crackers and to be able to take a shower. I don’t think I had ever been so excited for a shower in my life. I got to go outside too, which was incredible. The sun on my face was amazing after a couple of days inside.

TM: When Day 6 hit, what happened and how did the boys' arrival begin to unfold? How were you feeling?

My contractions started to pick up again on Saturday morning. I let my nurse know, and they upped medication that slows contractions. They gave me two doses, and we just had to wait and see what happened. I started to get nervous, but tried to focus on the fact that we got an extra week of medications and antibiotics that would really help the boys if they did make their arrival. The contractions stopped for most of the afternoon, until about 4pm. They started to pick back up again, and after another round of the medication, we realized these were not going to stop. By this time it was about 1:30am, and our nightshift nurse finally did a cervical check. I was dilated to a 5, so the doctors made the decision to go ahead with the C-section. At this point, an entire team of nurses came in to prep me for the surgery.

TM: After spending a week in the hospital in preterm labor and the NICU nurses trying to prepare you for what was to come, did you feel prepared for the NICU stay the twins ended up having?

I thought I was prepared. You know we talked about it for a week, and I thought I was at peace with it, but I’m honestly not sure you can fully prepare for something like this. As soon as they let me see the boys after being in c-section recover for an hour, I was an emotional wreck. Not being able to hold your baby right after birth is just an awful feeling. You just feel helpless, and a little like you failed because your body didn’t do what it was supposed to. But at the same time you know they are in the best place for them right now, and you just have to be supportive in a different way.

TM: Can you share what a day in the NICU visiting your boys looked like?

After my c-section, my husband went back to work so he could take paternity leave when the boy s came home from the NICU. A typical day at the NICU started for me at about 8 am. I would get up, pump, and get the milk I had pumped the night before labeled and in the ice chest to bring in with me. I tired to get to the hospital about 15minutes before the boys 9am feeding/care time. I would buzz into labor and delivery, then walk to the NICU, and be buzzed in again. I immediately had to put my phone and car keys into a black light sanitizer, and do a 4 minute hand wash/scrub with special soap and an under the nail cleaner. After my 4 minutes, I would walk back to the boys room, and check in with the nurse on shift that morning. At 9 am, I would take one of the boys temperatures (under the arm pit), change his diaper, and maybe his clothes if he needed it, then feed him his bottle for the next 30 mins or so. While I was doing the feeding, the nurse would do the same for the other little guy. After they were both fed, I would hold them both for about an hour, just hanging out. I would pump while I was there, so they would have milk for that evening. Typically, I would stay until about 1pm, so I could be there for their next feeding/care time, and switch who I got to feed. At about 2 I would go home, and try to do some normal things, like laundry. When my husband got home from work, we’d eat dinner then go back over to the NICU for the boys 6pm or 9pm feedings, sometimes both.

TM: What were some of the milestones or signs of progress that gave you hope during your twins' NICU stay?

Every time they could do a new “task” by themselves it gave me a little more hope that they would be coming home soon. When they came off the C-pap machines and could breathe room air was a big day. We finally got to see them without these giant contraptions on their faces. It made it feel like they were really starting to “get better” so to speak. It seemed like after that, it was about every week and half they were able to come off of something else, or didn’t need as much help from medications and machines.

TM: Are there any lessons or advice you would give to other parents who may find themselves in a similar situation?

I would just say to celebrate the little things. Celebrate their first bottle, celebrate their first bath, celebrate the day the breathing tubes come off. Don’t miss out on the “firsts” just because they look a little different than you had imagined. It does get a little easier with time, but also don’t feel bad if you need a break from the NICU. Its hard to not be there constantly, but its also emotionally draining. So if you need a break for a day, take it. The nurses and doctors know what they are doing.

TM: What was the day like when you finally brought your boys home after 7 weeks in the NICU?

We were so excited. It felt amazing to finally walk out of the hospital as family after 49 days of having to leave every night without them. It was almost surreal. At the same time, when we finally got settled at home, we were almost like “now what”? It took us a little while to settle into a routine, especially since Wade still had a few medical complexities when we came home. After about 2 weeks, we really felt comfortable, and really could relax after such a crazy few months.

TM: How is life now for you and your family?

Life now is great! We have been truly blessed with these boys. They have had no additional health issues other than being preemies, which we are so thankful for. Our days are crazy, chaotic, and a little dirty with two, almost two-year old boys, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

TM: Thank you Kerri for opening up about your journey into motherhood and how those first weeks of your boys’ life were like. You and your husband’s resilience is inspiring!

Disclaimer: This article is based on personal experience only, not to be used as medical advice. For more serious questions, consult a medical professional.