Breastfeeding Panel: How Breastfeeding is Different for Every Mama
TRANSPARENTLY MOM WELCOMES…
These 5 mamas are sharing their journey with breastfeeding. Highlighting their emotions and the challenges that can come with breastfeeding. This is a hot topic in the mom community and can bring a lot of joy and struggle. Sadly, most have found it can also bring judgment and ridicule. The beauty of motherhood is that it looks different for each mother and this panel shows just that.
TM: How long was/is your breastfeeding journey?
LF: I was able to breastfeed my oldest daughter for 3 ½ months, then I tried pumping for another 2 months and was unable to get my supply back up and had to switch to formula. I currently have a 3 month old daughter who is nursing.
KP: We are 7 months in and going strong! We had a tough journey to start, right after giving birth, my daughter, Miller, had issues latching and I was immediately given a nipple shield to help her latch… it seemed to slightly help but still was not an easy go. At her first dr appointment a few days later, she had dropped over 10% of her body weight and we were put on a “triple-action plan.” A “triple-action plan” consisted of attempting to breastfeed, pumping and bottle feeding. In the beginning, this process took about an hour and a half and consumed most of the day. Two weeks in, I know something had to change and we visited a private lactation consultant who diagnosed Miller with a posterior tongue-tie. I then went strictly to pumping for 7 weeks while we tried to resolve the tongue tie using Bowen therapy, which is bodywork to help with tension and soft tissue, at home stretches and chiropractic care. At 6 weeks old, we had her tongue tie released and then from that moment, was able to nurse, starting back on with the nipple shield, and then a few days later, without the shield. It was a long road, however, I am so happy I listened to my gut and we had her tongue-tie released.
MG: I breastfed directly for about a week, then I began the triple feeding schedule per doctor's recommendation. Then I exclusively pumped starting at about 2ish weeks till 3 months old.
BB: About 5 month total, only 2.4 months of strictly BFing before we started to supplement formula!
AW: 15.5 Months
TM: What were your feelings and plans surrounding breastfeeding leading up to giving birth?
LF: With my first I had always planned on breastfeeding, mainly due to the knowledge that formula was expensive and I had thought at the time that it would be easy to do. I didn’t really think that there was another option to consider unless there was a medical reason for a baby to need formula.
Second time around I have the goal to breastfeed for at least 6 months. I want to prove to myself I can sustain my supply longer.
KP: To be honest, I didn’t have any set expectations around breastfeeding prior to birth. I knew it was something I wanted to attempt to do, but it wasn't until she was born that I realized how important it actually was to our journey.
MG: I was always looking forward to the breastfeeding experience and wasn't ever worried about it. My mom had enjoyed it with all of us kids and so I grew up hearing good things surrounding it. My plan during pregnancy was always to breastfeed a minimum of 6mo to about 9mo.
BB: I was hopeful it would go well but understood that’s not always the case and was open minded about doing what was best for my baby!
AW: Something I always wanted to do with my kids. But I’ve always been a firm believer in “fed is best”. I wanted to at least try breastfeeding, if it didn’t work, then formula was always an option.
TM: What emotions did you experience when you first started breastfeeding your child?
LF: The first time around I had a tidal wave of emotions but I was mainly surprised by the fact that it was mainly frustration that I felt. I had taken all the classes and read the blogs and books but was unprepared for how hard it really was and how much patience it required.
KP: Our start to breastfeeding was extremely emotional. I felt so many emotions around not being able to adequately feed my child. I found myself comparing our journey to others and wondering why it didn’t come as easily to us. Even though I didn’t have much of a game plan leading up to birth, I put so much pressure on myself when she couldn’t nurse properly. Seeing your baby drop in weight right away is extremely emotional and you immediately think of all the things you could / should have done differently. Mom-guilt is so real!
MG: That first moment in the hospital was very interesting. I had looked forward to it but didn't really know what emotions it'd bring with it. I was honestly taken back that it wasn't this instant natural feeling. I was really trying to figure out how to position myself best and was getting really frustrated with the nurses trying to help me and baby latch. I expected it to be this sweet, tender moment and it was really just aggravating and confusing. Plus having people in your ear saying "Put her head this way" "You want the nipple right here" "Hold your breast like this" "Your nipples may be the problem" ... I mean it was an instant overload of advice, touching, and just not the moment I anticipated at all.
BB: I’m not sure… I guess I was proud it was working and happy I was able to feed my child naturally! I was relieved that I knew she was getting exactly what she needed.
AW: Pain. For someone who doesn’t have sensitive nipples (used to be pierced), it was a very different feeling for me. They were more chapped than anything else.
TM: Were there any moments when you questioned your decision to breastfeed, and how did you navigate those doubts?
LF: I don’t feel like my journey with my first was really long enough to question it. I felt like it was just the thing I was supposed to do even when it felt hard. I was questioning myself more as to why I couldn’t make enough milk to support my daughter and what I was doing wrong.
This time around, I have questioned the choice a couple of time. Mainly when it still feels hard to do, hard to plan the day around and due to the fact that we have an almost 4 year old running around who I feel like I lose time with. By nursing, I’m the only one who can feed our youngest vs. when our first was formula fed my husband could take over some feedings and that freed me to do things around the house.
KP: Absolutely! I thought about quitting so so so many times. In addition to her tongue-tie, Miller also developed an allergy around 2 weeks old. One morning, I changed her diaper and noticed blood in her stool. Out of panic I called her Pediatrician and was told to start modifying my diet, as she was most likely having an allergy to something that I was consuming and passing to her through my breastmilk. I initially cut out dairy and soy (the most common baby allergy offenders) and then went as drastic as following “The Baby Reflux Lady’s Survival Guide” diet as a recommendation from my IBCLC, which essentially limited me to eating 8 types of vegetables, 4 types of meat, 3 fruits, olive oil and salt. IT WAS VERY HARD to say the least. A majority of this was done while pumping, so it was hard to track which foods were giving her a reaction. Around 3 months old, we started her on an infant probiotic and Miller went from pooping 9 times a day, most with blood in them, to pooping around 2 times a day, without traces of blood! To this day, we still have no idea what her allergy was, or if it was something related to her gut… but every day of those 3 months, I thought about quitting our breastfeeding journey and switching to formula.
MG: Absolutely! It was in those really tough moments in the middle of the night when you're so sleep deprived, your hormones are nonexistent after birth and I just was still struggling to get a rhythm with baby I was just tapped out. I mean I wasn't mad at her but I was so frustrated we both couldn't get our parts right at the same time. She'd finally have a good latch but then I was in a terrible position I couldn't hold or I finally had everything good and then she'd just let the latch go... I mean I was at my wits end time and time again wondering why.
BB: When it was painful in the beginning, I questioned it! Just kidding! I didn’t even feel doubts about it.
AW: Duh. I’m not sure who doesn’t. My milk came in like a force and I was chapped and I’m so much pain and my pump hadn’t come in time (early baby, wrong address on pump) and I was engorged and uncomfortable.
TM: When and why did you incorporate pumping? Was there anything difficult about it?
LF: At our first daughter’s 4 month appointment she was underweight. Our pediatrician sent me over to lactation to get help as she suspected that my supply was dropping. Lactation had me start pumping in addition to breastfeeding to try and bring my supply up. It was almost harder than breastfeeding. Trying to figure out flange sizes, times of day, and timing of how long between feedings and pumping was all pretty overwhelming.
Second time around I started pumping once a day a few times a week starting in our first week home for two reasons. One, I am always a little nervous that my supply will run out again and this way I would have a little bit of a freezer stash on hand. Two, I am now a volleyball coach so she will need to take bottles while I am at my practices/games.
KP: I had to incorporate pumping initially due to her latching issues, which led me to have a strained relationship with pumping. I dreaded it every day, however I was grateful that it allowed me to feed my baby while we figured out her latching issues. It also gave my husband time with her and a breather when I needed it.
MG: Pumping came to me as a solution for our latching issues so I could keep my milk supply up in hopes that once the latching issues were resolved we'd be back in business. Sadly, once baby took a bottle she never wanted to latch again to me. She would push me away and scream. Just getting her into the starting positions for breastfeeding she would throw a fit, and getting rejected time and time again by your baby just does something to your mental state so I then made the hard choice to pump exclusively.
BB: I started pumping to relieve myself at times. It took me a few tries to realize I needed a different pump that worked better for me! So I went a bought a new one.
AW: Flange size. I pumped to try to give my body some relief. My kid would always fall asleep while I was feeding him and I was constantly full. Pumping/hakka helped me feel a sense of relief.
TM: How did breastfeeding change your perception of your own body and its capabilities?
LF: Due to the fact my supply dropped, at the time I felt a lot of resentment towards my body. I was really frustrated and felt at a loss because I was doing everything I was told and wasn’t able to feed our daughter enough. Now I am giving my body much more grace because I know that it is doing the best it can to provide.
KP: Breastfeeding is a miracle and completely changed how I look at my body. We have created such a strong bond over our time together during feedings. It is amazing how our breastmilk is constantly changing to give our babies exactly what they need, when they need it.
MG: Weird as this sounds, breastfeeding even for the short time I did it directly that it has totally altered the way I look at my breasts. I feel like they are now some kind of tool versus something sexualized. I actually now have a hard time with my husband coming anywhere near them haha. I don't really know why but I feel like they aren't for play but for work haha. I am truly amazed by my body and what it was able to do during that time.
BB: I remember before having a baby I was thinking to myself “Will I like breastfeeding? Will it be weird?” But it’s the most natural and amazing thing I’ve ever done. I loved it more than I even thought I would. It was so special, though it was short lived.
AW: I was already in awe of my body. Carrying a baby is no joke. I was thrilled with the boob job that came with it. Now they’re looking like dad little thangs.
TM: Did you feel societal pressure or judgment surrounding breastfeeding, and how did you handle it?
LF: Absolutely. I felt so much pressure to breastfeed. I felt that I was somehow less of a mom if I used formula, which for the record you absolutely are not. Once I switched over to formula with my oldest I found myself feeling like I needed to explain or justify why I was formula feeding and not breastfeeding.
This time around I am encountering having to nurse while being out in public more and find it almost amusing that even though society seems to put emphasis on nursing, public nursing rooms almost don’t exist. If you nurse, even with a cover, you’re met with side eye glares and makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong or inappropriate. I find myself going all the way to my car and blocking the window with a swaddle most of the time to feel more comfortable.
KP: Absolutely. I will say that most of the pressure was put on by myself. I had a close friend going through the same issues revolving around the tongue tie, and it was so necessary to have a support group to talk to when you need it.
MG: I struggled a lot after birth with the amount of moms on the internet who push breastfeeding and think that if you don't do it then you are depriving your child of what is rightfully theirs. I wanted to breastfeed directly and I felt like other moms made me feel as though I didn't fight for it like I could of. Latch issues aren't uncommon and I felt like some people didn't seem to think it was a legitimate reason for me to just pump. I had to really just understand that I get to make my choices based on my mental health. I have to protect myself and know my child is fed in whatever way she best responds and that's okay.
BB: For sure! I started formula because I went back to work when she was 9 weeks old, I don’t get a paid time off being self employed so I was off a total of 12 weeks and needed to get back to work and make money. At that time, I was pumping at work and I had about 25 bags of frozen milk and I thought that was good. She finished the frozen within two weeks or less and after that I was chasing my tail. Pumping every day just to get her through tomorrow and I had a good supply but it couldn’t keep up with my hungry baby. So, after crying a lot… and doing math formulations trying to figure out how to stretch my milk longer, I said “I can’t do this” I started adding formula and eventually within a couple months, my supply dropped a lot and I let it. It was too hard to pump while working my busy job and she liked her formula. It was hard to make the final decision to do all formula but I did extensive research on what kind to give her to ease my anxiety about it and I felt good. I also felt this insane relief about it. My baby could be fed and happy anywhere, anytime, and by anyone. She would always be okay. That was a good feeling. It was slightly freeing, I was able to do things more! It was amazing but I always got the questions of why I wasn’t breastfeeding or what happened. Luckily, I didn’t care. Strong back bone and all. I proudly say my baby is formula fed and she is so happy and healthy!
AW: The judgement of needing to feed and feeling like I needed to remove myself from places and situations to make other people feel comfortable with the feeding of my child.
TM: Did you feel supported and encouraged by others in your breastfeeding journey? If not, how did you seek the support you needed?
LF: I am so lucky to have the most supportive husband. He constantly is there to listen to me talk/vent about my nursing journey. When we were sent to the lactation department with our first daughter I felt attacked. The consultant told me “it’s fine, it’s not like you meant to fail her.” and every piece of advice she gave me to try felt like she was telling me to try but it was basically going to be futile. Luckily I told my daughter’s pediatrician what the lactation consultant had said and asked to not meet with her anymore, and she was appalled at how I was treated. I then worked with just our pediatrician 1:1 and felt so much more support.
We also have great family and friends who have been there to lend a listening ear when I need to talk about my fears this second time around.
KP: Yes and no. I had an initial lactation consultant provided through our healthcare, who basically told me to quit attempting to breastfeed and a Pediatrician who told us that “she may or may not have a tongue tie, but wouldn’t recommend doing anything about it.
Finding our Private IBCLC was a God-send. She was recommended to me by two friends who had seen her previously, and she helped me through it all, along with friends.
MG: My immediate circle was amazing. Everyone was so understanding and constantly encouraged me to do whatever I felt was the best path for my girl and I. My husband walked with me through it all and was hands on in that entire process. He actually would help me with placing pillows, my boob position (yes, he actually grabbed it and put it in her mouth many times), and sometimes held her up to keep her latch in place. I mean he saw the tears and heard my concerns and was loving through it all.
BB: I did! I think I was hardest on myself but everyone around me told me to do what was best for me and my baby and only I knew what that was. I knew her better than anyone and I needed to do what was best for my sanity and her health.
AW: I’ve had so many friend breastfeed their babies and others that formula fed. Everyone was encouraging. Just reminded me to be patient with myself.
TM: Did you feel breastfeeding had an impact on your bond with your child? How so?
LF: Not at all. I was only able to breastfeed my oldest for a few months and I don’t feel like I am any less bonded with her because she had to move to formula. I’m fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom, so our days are filled with time together. Bottle feeding I was still able to have that time together, and in some ways I liked it more because I could look into her whole face and talk to her. It also allowed my husband or other family who would come to visit time to talk to her while she was calm and get their own bonding time. Now that I’m nursing with my second, I miss being able to look fully into her face when feeding her.
KP: I do, but I also think that breastfeeding is not the only way to form a bond with your child. We bonded over bottle feeding, and my husband also now has a huge bond with her, as he helped feed her a lot as well.
MG: My journey taught me that breastfeeding isn't the only way to have that special time with your baby to bond. You can do lots of skin to skin and even just cherish those sweet moments in the rocking chair as you rock them to sleep. Your baby bonds with you with every single thing that you do with them and for them in those first weeks. Breastfeeding is not the only/greatest way in my eyes to bond.
BB: Yes and no. It was so special for me and she did great with it but it’s hard to tell. I’m mom, ya know?! Of course she’s attached to me but she also loves her dad who feeds her so many bottles and that is special too! I think however it’s done, they love you and the time spent feeding them, it special and intimate no matter what.
AW: As someone that thought they would never be able to have babies. Genetics/doctors. I was shocked to realize I was able to have a baby. I knew my bond would be strong with him. It didn’t matter how he was fed. But especially with my in-laws questioning it every time I was around them. It made me want to do it more.
TM: Looking back on your breastfeeding journey, what are the most profound lessons you learned about yourself and motherhood?
LF: That no matter how long your breastfeeding journey is, it has no bearing on how good of a mom you are. As long as your baby is fed, you’re doing great. If your plans for how you feed your baby have to change for some reason, give yourself grace with accepting the changes that come your way.
KP: That nothing will go per plan! You have to go with the flow and remind yourself every day that you are an amazing mother and that you are doing everything you can to keep your child thriving.
MG: I learned that truly everything in life is out of your control. If I could have controlled it, things would have been very different but there are reasons for everything in this life. I wouldn't change it because it has helped make me the mama I am right now, and will continue to be for her. We can't put too much pressure on ourselves to perform on the level of our neighbors. It's not a fair fight and there is more than a "one size fits all approach" to motherhood.
BB: Always trust your gut that you know your baby best. Don’t let society make you feel bad for making decisions for yourself, and women are amazing.
AW: Be gentle with yourself. Everyone is different. Ask questions. Try not to compare.
TM: What was the most challenging aspect of your breastfeeding journey?
LF: Overcoming mom guilt. I was so hard on myself when I wasn’t able to get my supply to where it needed to be that I felt like I was failing as a mom somehow. Overcoming my own self-doubt was the hardest part of the whole thing.
KP: Most of the time, I felt like a lunatic for taking her to so many appointments to help with her tongue tie. Weirdly enough, the specific tongue tie that Miller had (posterior tongue tie) created a ton of tension in her body. That is why we had to be diligent in taking her to her Bowen appointments as well as the chiropractor. We also knew that if we did the tongue tie release, we would have to deal with months of mouth work and stretches to ensure the tongue tie did not grow back after the release. The stretches were hard and it is never fun to hear your baby in pain, but we knew it would be worth it.
MG: The most challenging piece was starting to exclusively pump. Pumping wasn't something that was covered in postpartum or any of my birth classes. I know am very frustrated by this since I learned there was a wrong way to pump... I started pumping on the wrong settings and also pumped too long which caused some issues that turned into mastitis. That really on top of all the other hard pieces of that first month almost sent me over the edge. I cried on the phone with an advice nurse during my antibotic treatment that ended up giving my daughter thrush. The nurse told me things I hadn't known about pumping that was so helpful but I was so upset no one had told me these things before I fumbled through it on my own so I could have avoided the mastitis.
BB: The beginning pain and the ending emotion! But both were worth it!
AW: The judgment.
TM: Did you encounter any misconceptions or myths about breastfeeding that surprised you?
LF: That every baby learns to nurse differently. First time around I thought that my baby would naturally know how to latch and start feeding. I was so surprised by how hard it was to get her to latch on, so second time around I was prepared for it to be difficult and take a while for her to latch but she latched the first time with no problem.
KP: I naively thought that breastfeeding was always a choice. That was something people would commonly ask me when I was pregnant, “do you plan to breastfeed?” In reality, most things are out of our control and you just have to roll with the punches to do what is right for you and your baby. It is not always a choice.
MG: I'd say that breastfeeding is not as natural as some women make it appear. Some women do share how it's hard but not until you are sitting there with your fresh outta the womb babe do you really get what "hard" means. It is something else. I think that being understood ahead of time can help mamas with the understanding and prep for not instantly loving it or understanding how to do it. Last thing you need on top of all of it, is insecurity and fear there is something wrong with you for feeling differently then you anticipated about it.
BB: More women struggle than I thought and I hope they always feel supported. FED IS BEST, truly.
AW: That feeling when your milk comes in. Holy sh*t!
TM: What advice would you give to other mothers who are about to start their breastfeeding journey? Is there anything you wish you had known before you began?
LF: Breastfeeding takes work for both you and baby. Be patient with yourself and with baby because you’re both having to learn how to do something that is new and difficult! I wish I would have known how much mental toughness it can take. I am constantly having to tell myself to take a deep breath and not stress out when my youngest loses her latch or pulls off and cries before going back to nursing. I am always nervous that I’ll have supply problems pop up, but I know that every baby is different and I just need to take our journey one day at a time.
KP: Try to not put so much pressure on yourself. You are an amazing mom and it is important to listen to your motherly instinct on what is right for you and your baby!
MG: To the mama out there about to go through it I'd tell you to prepare yourself for different possibilities. I am the kind of person that believes knowledge is power and so I like to research things. I think understanding the normal challenges with breastfeeding can help better equip you for different outcomes. I also think breastfeeding classes may be worth taking now being on the otherside (my hospital made you pay for that class). My last bit of advice would be that if your mental health is ever sliding or dwindling due to the demand breastfeeding has on your life (because it does) and you are feeling overwhelmed by it. Don't be afraid to pump so that your spouse or others can help handle feedings to give you more free time. Your baby will still love you and bond with you. I know guilt can creep in but seriously, you are mama no matter what! Don't be afraid to make choices that benefit your mental health because that will make you a better mama. That isn't selfish, it's smart.
BB: If you want to do it, try your best but forgive yourself and understand if you can’t or don’t want to, it’s okay! Again, do what’s best for YOU and your baby. Happy mom = happy baby, happy baby = happy mom! I hate the bad rep formula has on people, it’s amazing. We’re all doing our best and there is no right way. Formula, breastfeeding, and pumping… all correct!
AW: If you want to try, try. If you don’t, Don’t. But your choices are yours. Comparing doesn’t make anyone win. Just divides.
CONCLUDING THOUGHT FROM TRANSPARENTLY MOM
Every mother's journey with breastfeeding is a unique and deeply personal experience. Just as no two pregnancies are the same, the path to nourishing and nurturing a child through breastfeeding varies from one mama to another. Factors such as biology, lifestyle, support systems, and individual circumstances all play a role in shaping these journeys. Some may find it to be a seamless and natural process, while others might face unexpected challenges and hurdles. Regardless of the path, each mama's breastfeeding journey is a testament to her strength, love, and commitment to her child's well-being. It's a reminder that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood, and we should celebrate and support the diversity of experiences that come with it.
Disclaimer: This article is based on personal experience only, not to be used as medical advice. For more serious questions, consult a medical professional.
