My Birth Plan Went Out the Window: Adapting with Grace
Initially, I was torn with switching things up but I quickly realized that I wasn’t breaking a promise or giving up— I was simply taking the necessary steps to cope with my birth experience.
TRANSPARENTLY MOM CREATOR…
MELANIE
When I say I did a lot of research when I first got pregnant, I am not exaggerating. I am a woman always with a plan and that didn’t change when it came to birth. I watched all the YouTube videos, I read all the education material from my OB office, I googled every intervention known to man— and I still wasn’t prepared to actually experience the gift of childbirth.
EARLY LABOR
I woke up at 3:15am on Wednesday, November 30th with what I thought was false labor since I had been blessed many early mornings with it over the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy. Though these contractions felt stronger than what I had felt prior, I didn’t think too much of them out of fear I’d get my hopes up and they’d just be gone the next moment. After doing the whole routine of bouncing on the ball, drinking water, and changing positions— the contractions didn’t stop coming. PRAISE BE! Contractions jumped to 5 minutes apart within a few hours and out of pure excitement and anxiety, we rushed off to L&D just to have my joy ripped into shreds when my contractions halted the moment we parked…Not joking. I almost started crying right there in the car. I was so done being pregnant and so upset I let myself believe this was really labor and now were here at the hospital for no reason. I’m looking at my husband wanting him to make the decision for me whether to go in or not…He didn’t. So I call my mom since she was on her way over and she encouraged me to go in to get checked since I was 5 days late at this point and maybe labor just paused. I get checked by a nurse and with her obnoxiously cheery tone, she said to me “You’re just over 1cm! So not ready yet but you’re on your way!” I could have choked that nurse out. I instantly started bawling out of frustration and they sent me home.
Side note: I had an induction appointment scheduled for this date at 8:00pm since I had been stuck at .5 cm dilated + 70% effaced for 3 weeks. I didn’t want to be induced but I was so done being pregnant and wanted my daughter out asap. So I knew this baby was coming out no matter what soon but I was really praying she would come on her own and I wouldn’t have to evict her myself.
We get home and my contractions came back within an hour which it was now about 10:00am. After spending the entire day just trying to progress labor forward by curb walking, bouncing on the ball, drinking raspberry tea, deep squats, and taking a bath we headed back to the hospital around 9:00pm since they didn’t have a bed ready for me around 8:00pm when my induction appointment was. As soon as I get into my delivery room I tell my nurse to check me before we started any kind of induction medication since currently my contractions were about 7 minutes apart now. By God’s grace, the nurse examined me and confirmed I was just shy of 5cm and I was definitely in labor! No need for me to be induced now, baby decided she wanted to give her mama what she wanted. I threw up the Breakfast Club fist in that hospital bed and felt so much relief that this was really happening!
Now here is when things changed.
ACTIVE LABOR
My contractions were nothing like I expected them to be. I had zero pain in my abdomen or back… I had burning pain radiating from my hip down to my mid-thigh while having sharp yet dull pain right at the pubic bone. In all my research, I didn’t read about any contractions like the ones I was having. That made my plan in having zero pain management extremely difficult. I was set on no epidural and now I am in complete agony every 3-5 minutes. I am deathly afraid of strong medications. The hypochondriac in me thinks I will surely have an allergic reaction and die. Yes, I am dramatic! But I’m strong and have a high pain tolerance so I really hyped myself up throughout my pregnancy about going natural. I honestly was starting to feel I was somehow letting myself and others down by even starting to consider medication. My nurse said something to me that really felt eye-opening as she could tell I was struggling internally. She said “You don’t get more points for doing this naturally. You do what you need to do to make this experience right for you.” Not knowing how long I could labor for and realizing that the reality is the pain is only going to progress as time goes on… I was so torn. I was battling with this idea of the birth experience I had planned and the reality of how labor was actually going for me. After experiencing another few rounds of contractions I called my nurse back in and she submitted the order for an epidural.
When I tell you that I was terrified of getting an epidural, I am not kidding. After my nurse submitted the order I waited for the anesthesiologist almost an hour. My contractions were at this point every 3 minutes and I thought death was at my door. The pain was unlike anything at this point and I was ready for some relief. Sadly, when you are in that much pain staying still feels utterly impossible but I hunched over, hugged that pillow like my life depended on it, and waited for him to enter the catheter. I waited some more… waited some more. Okay seriously?! How long does it take?! I swear he poked me already, why isn’t anyone saying anything? Well he had poked me, but he was having a hard time placing it which made this fear I had already had that much worse. So now I am full on having a panic attack as this guy is working on me, while I am still having the most painful contractions every 3 minutes, face down in this pillow just crying but also trying not to move. I am going to be real, that was one of the worst parts of it all. But when those meds hit… I was grateful.
After the epidural fully kicked in, they checked me again around 1:00am Thursday morning and I had progressed. 7cm dilated now and ready to rest before pushing. My husband and mom were knocked out for a few hours but I couldn’t sleep. I had so much anxiety and adrenaline, plus I just wanted to eat all the popsicles my nurse would give me. I was just scrolling through socials and hoping someone would text me back in the middle of the night to help the time pass. Once my OB started his day, he stopped into L&D to check on me. I was so happy I was going to have my OB who had been with me through my entire pregnancy deliver my daughter. I was so worried he wouldn’t be there to do it but thankfully baby came during business hours.
PUSHING
At 7:00am I was just shy of completion and he broke my water assuring me it wouldn’t be long now. He had to rush over to handle a surgery but he’d be back in time for pushing. Unfortunately, within the hour I started to feel ill. I had gotten an infection and the baby’s heart rate jumped to over 205 bpm. They began pumping me with antibiotics and thankfully those kicked in quick. I was covered in ice packs as my husband was dipping washcloths in ice water and putting them on my face to help me cool down. At this point, I was beyond ready to push. The urge to bare down was becoming so overwhelming. I’ve never felt pressure like that in my life. By 8:30am my nurse let me begin practice pushing while we waited for my OB to return. It wasn’t long after that it was go time. My OB arrived and by that next contraction I pushed twice and our Boston girl entered this great big world!
Born on December 1st at 9:11am almost 30 hours later from feeling my first contraction. The most transforming experience I will ever go through was over. I couldn’t believe it!
CLOSING THOUGHTS
The moment you hold your child in your arms, everything else fades. The world stops. You aren’t thinking about pain management, vaccines, interventions, or anything on your birth plan. You are looking at the face of your child in complete awe and amazement that that tiny human being was just inside of you and now here they are. Some of us (me) have a tendency to obsess and put so much pressure on ourselves to stick to the plan we set but it was created before we could have even understood what we were about to face during labor. It is okay to switch gears. It is okay to change your mind. It is okay to be scared or nervous in the moment. It is okay to go natural or medicated or have a c-section. It is okay to give birth in a hospital or at a birthing center or at home. It is all okay! This is our birth, our child, our moment. There is no shame in any of it. We do what we gotta do, the way we gotta do it to bring our babies into the world and feel safe while doing it. PERIOD.
Never let the internet scare or guilt trip you. Don’t let the pressure of other moms’ traumatic stories sway you or family members make you feel bad about your plans. Don’t allow medical teams to talk you out of anything. You need to put up those blinders, put those earplugs in, and make safe, informed decisions for yourself and baby(s). No one will ever be a better advocate for you than yourself. At the end of the day, you are the only one giving birth to your baby.
Disclaimer: This article is based on personal experience only, not to be used as medical advice. For more serious questions, consult a medical professional.
