The Ultimate Gift: My Surrogacy Journey
The moment you have the baby, and the parents see them for the first time it is something that you just cannot quite explain.
TRANSPARENTLY MOM WELCOMES…
ROSIE K.
Hi, my name is Rosie, and I am a mom of 3 and have had the pleasure of being a surrogate 2 times. A little about my family, my oldest Colin is 10, Dylan is 8 and the baby Abigail is 18 months (about 1 and a half years). I have been married to my husband for 11 years. I work full-time and in my spare time, I am usually carting the kids to all their activities and sports practices. As a family, we love to camp and enjoy being outside. We thought we were done having children after our two boys were born so I decided to become a surrogate and bless a family who needed a little help starting their family. Little did we know the universe had other plans and after that chapter closed, we were pleasantly surprised to find out I was pregnant with our last baby.
TM: What motivated you to become a surrogate?
I first started to investigate being a surrogate when my best friend was going through IVF and having a really challenging time getting pregnant. The thought of people out there who would want nothing more than to be a parent and could not for one reason or another was so heartbreaking. I offered to be their surrogate, but they decided to not pursue the process. So, I started to do research on different agencies that helped match potential surrogates with intended parents. Once I found an agency (I interviewed many), I felt more comfortable with the idea of going through with the journey. I really felt since I was blessed with easy pregnancies, I could help someone start their family. Previously I did not know anyone else who had ever been a surrogate.
TM: Were there any specific legal or ethical concerns that you had to consider before becoming a surrogate? How did you address them?
The agency I worked with was incredibly supportive and hands-on throughout the process. They helped find lawyers who helped draw contracts that both parties were able to make with terms that we were all extremely comfortable with. They were very thorough, It included situations if the baby had any health issues, termination, if one or both parents were injured or passed away, what if any lifestyle changes or recommendations. We went back and forth until we both felt we were happy with the contract.
TM: Could you describe the process you went through to become a surrogate? What were some of the challenges you faced along the way?
The first step was filling out a profile that contained questions all about me, my family, and my beliefs. There were 50 plus questions ranging from favorite TV shows, political views, views on abortion, what kind of relationship I wanted to have with the intended parents and the baby afterwards, medical history, education, and so forth. The agency I went with had a blind matching system which really attracted me. There were no pictures of the intended parents or surrogates until you made a match. Then they would set up an initial meeting to get to know each other further. After that you would both have 48 hours (about 2 days) to decide if you wanted to take the next steps. We really felt an almost instant connection to the Intendent parents. Two dads who wanted to start the next chapter of their lives. We had so much in common and our values and hopes for surrogacy were the same. Once we both decided to work with each other we moved to medical. I met with a reproductive endocrinologist who evaluated me and had to see a psychologist who evaluated both me and my husband. This is a whole family experience. Once we were cleared medically, we started a medicine cycle to make sure I was ready to receive a transfer embryo.
TM: How did your family and friends react when you told them about your decision to be a surrogate? Did you receive support or face any opposition?
My husband has always known I was a giving person, but he was a little apprehensive at first. He wanted to make sure we were working with the right couple; agency and what risks were involved. Most of my friends and family were surprised but incredibly supportive throughout the entire process. It was harder to explain to people outside of my circle. Most people were curious and wanted to know all the details. Throughout the entire process I saw the psychologist monthly with other surrogates. It was nice to be able to meet other women who were going through the same process and be able to share the journey with them. It is not always easy being pregnant and sometimes you can feel like since you decided to do this, you should not complain about the aches and pains of being pregnant but truthfully you still have both the good days and the bad days. It was also one of the reasons I chose to work with this agency. I did not fully know how it would make me feel or how to process the experience until I was going through it. It was reassuring to know others going through the same thing.
TM: Can you share any memorable moments or experiences you had during the surrogacy journey? What stands out to you the most?
The moment you have the baby, and the parents see them for the first time it is something that you just cannot quite explain. It makes all the aches and pains of pregnancy worth it 100%. I was lucky to have intendant parents who were extremely supportive of my wishes. They trusted me to make good choices with their precious cargo in mind. I felt incredibly lucky that they really involved me in their journey and let me share my experience without judgment.
TM: What kind of support did you receive during the pregnancy? Were there any medical or emotional challenges you faced that you had not anticipated?
At the beginning of the process there are a lot of doctor's appointments. You must give blood, do cervical checks and ultrasounds. It is all very calculated. The timing must be right, and I had no idea how scripted it was. Take this medication now, give the shots on time, go to many doctors' appointments on the fly. I was commuting about 80 miles to each doctor's appointment for a few months before the embryo transfer until the baby was 15 weeks (about 3 and a half months) along. It was taxing on me and my family trying to schedule life around my med schedule. After the 15-week mark and the baby was healthy and growing normally. Things settled down and became very manageable. I was lucky we had no complications with either baby.
TM: Did you develop a bond with the intended parents during the surrogacy process? How is that relationship like for you today?
I became remarkably close with one of the intended parents. It was crazy how much we had in common and got along great. As per our contract we both wanted to have an open relationship during and after birth. We both agreed that we did not want to force it but would love to be in each other's lives and stay connected. We are still close to this day. I am Auntie Rosie and my kids call them their cousins and vice versa. They moved out of the state, but we facetime and call often, we went on a family vacation to spend time together this past summer and will hopefully be in each other's lives forever.
TM: Did you have any expectations or hopes about your relationship with the child after birth? How did you navigate the post-surrogacy phase?
One of the reasons we chose to work with the agency we did was because they really work hard to match you with people who have the same expectations during and after the pregnancy. I did not think I would be able to carry a baby for 9 months and then never know what happened to them. I really wanted to have a relationship with both the parents and the children. I had the privilege of working with a gay couple, so it makes it a little less complicated when explaining it to the children. They wanted to have a family, but they needed a little help. I saved a bunch of pictures of my belly and the ultrasounds so we could share them when they asked. Now it is just part of their story and when we are all together, they love to tell others who look at us a little funny.
TM: Looking back on your surrogacy experience, what advice or insights would you share with others considering becoming a surrogate?
It was one of the best experiences of my life, but it is not for everyone. I would share that you must be incredibly open and willing to be very upfront throughout the complete process to not get lost in the process. I know a few other surrogates who would do things they felt uncomfortable with because the intendant parents wanted them to. Also, make sure that you are comfortable with the idea of this journey being your last pregnancy. The complications from childbirth, pregnancy and or IVF can cause complications that would/ could end your ability to have any more children for yourself. We were lucky that this did not happen to us, and we were able to conceive our third and last baby after my two surrogacy journeys, but it would be awful if because you tried to help others it put you and your family at risk.
TM: Thank you Rosie for sharing your story with us. It is so inspiring and truly amazing!
If you have any additional questions for Rosie about her expereince, please leave a comment below.
Disclaimer: This is a personal experience only. Please contact an agency of your choosing to find out more information about becoming a surrogate.
